I grew up in Stockport, Greater Manchester and had a colourful childhood with many ups and downs along the way. Family relationships were complex and I witnessed the direct impact of that on those closest to me, as well as myself. My situation forced me to recognise what it was like to feel ‘different’. I wasn’t the same as my friends. I was always hyper vigilant about what I shared with anyone. I hid at school, feeling confused, upset, rejected but hiding by being a straight A student and school prefect. I felt I had to hide a lot from all sorts of different people – my friends, my teachers, family members. I was very young to understand the complexities of challenging relationships and I didn’t know who to talk to or how to express what was going on in my head. It was a difficult time.
My Mum tells me I grew into an ambitious, energetic, driven young woman (thanks Mum!) – with the challenges we faced as a family granting me an ability to recognise and respond to adversity in, perhaps, a much more humble way than I otherwise may have done.
I am extremely thankful to have been given the trust, support and opportunity that meant I could use that energy to work at Nacro whilst securing my degree (First Class Honours in Public Policy and Management and then an Masters in Business Administration) which enabled me to develop my professional skills whilst studying at the same time (thanks to Nacro, the youth justice charity for believing in me!). I had an amazing start to my career, delivering youth work with young people in East Manchester and through this quickly realised my passion lay in supporting those whom others had written off, dismissing them as too complex, risky or ‘disruptive’. Total nonsense. Time and time again I saw the most awesome, engaging, positive and resilient individuals come to life in a kayak, abseiling down a rock face or hiking in the pouring rain and from then on I I knew I wanted to spend my career creating the conditions for more of this to happen.
At Nacro I was promoted to Area Manager and I thrived on the juggle of managing contracts, staff, partners, structures, board and everything in between! I loved getting to know my team members as whole people and spending time building authentic relationships. People sometimes asked how I managed to keep everyone so happy (most of the time!) and now I’m more mature I understand it was simply a matter of being open, honest and putting my whole self in front of them, encouraging them to do the same. People seemed to like it and they really opened up in return. I don’t think there is a magic spell or a secret ingredient, I can’t be any other way than ‘me’ so I don’t even bother trying. It’s just who I am, warts and all!
My last role at Nacro was leading an organisation-wide change programme, called Vision 2015. I loved working across the whole organisation, feeling that I could give something back to the organisation that had cared and nurtured me as I grew up. All of my early life milestones were whilst I was at Nacro – I got my A-level results, my degree, my masters, I met my husband, moved out of home, bought our first house, got married and had my two children. In 2014, after 12 years at Nacro, aged 30, with a 1 and 2 year old, I was ready for a new challenge.
Then the job of CEO for Relate Greater Manchester South came up and I couldn’t not apply for it. I’d been looking for my next step for a while and this seemed the perfect opportunity. The connection with relationships was 100% in tune with my values and it sounded like a challenging but really exciting role. At the interview I was terrified and felt sure I had messed it up, but I was invited back and, of course, the rest is history.
In 2017, I led the disaffiliation of Relate Greater Manchester South away from Relate and founded a new organisation, TLC: Talk, Listen, Change, an organisation designed to create safe, healthy, happy relationships for all, across the UK. I still picture my mum, or myself as a little girl, in the centre of all our services every time I describe TLC to anyone. I know that being surrounded by relationships that keep you safe, healthy and happy makes you emotionally healthy and personally resilient.
Things are still challenging in my personal life. I’ve continued to face really hard, scary and upsetting complexities within the relationships of those closest to me. There have definitely been moments when the pressure of work combined with watching life unravel for those I love has become way too much. But then I’m driven on by seeing the direct and deep impact that services such as ours can have on families just like mine. Seeing relationships be healed, seeing the change, the reconciliation after all the messy, exhausting, draining emotions are out, exposed, addressed – it’s powerful.
And so I continue – no, we continue.
In pursuit – in relentless pursuit – of safe, healthy, happy relationships.